Miscellaneous

Let's face it
English is a stupid language
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine or apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a Guinea piga is neither from Guinew nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
Is the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Og a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill a form
By filling it out
And the bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this poem
It ends